>Yesterday I was in a funk. I was feeling stuck…stuck in that same old ef-ing rut that I always seem to fall into at the 10-12 pound mark.

I weighed in on Friday. Down 3 pounds for month of February. Weighed in yesterday. Why? I guess I wanted to see if I’d lost another pound and instead saw that I was back up to having lost nothing for Feb. !!!

Oh I know…water weight…hormones…bleh.

Probably salt intake…I had Thai food for lunch on Saturday.

So when I saw that number on the scale, my mood plummeted. Maybe that’s why working out was so difficult yesterday. I could barely make myself get through 2 miles. And I was “getting through it”…not as much effort as I should be putting in and definitely not enjoying myself.

This morning, though, I thought about February…

Let’s look at it:

First week was in Orlando working my ass off at our big sales meeting…not great at eating right (though I wasn’t awful – like I didn’t resort to a lot of processed crap) and I worked out a couple of times.

Second week was in Costa Rica…actually did great with the food…everything whole and clean and fantastic…didn’t go crazy drinking…didn’t workout (unless you count the zip line or hiking).

Third week…ate perfectly during the week…worked out 6 days that week. Was very lax on Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Fourth week…ate nearly perfect during the week…worked out 6 days that week. Was very lax on Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

So. Without being really hard on myself…without making a lot of excuses…but just observing here…perhaps, drinking wine, eating cheese and crackers, and sweets on the weekends is not what I should be doing. Perhaps, on weeks when I have a lot of stress or am traveling, I make sure that I’m working out and eating clean.

I can just hear Jillian Michaels, “Ya think?!”

Perhaps I really need to commit to this healthy lifestyle and not just do it part time. I mean, I know it’s not a race…I don’t have to lose weight at a fast clip. But, here’s the thing…I can only lose so much if I am living half the week in EMO/Eating World. What is so frustrating is, seeing the numbers on the scale go up and down like a see-saw always, always knocks me off track…banished to the rut once again. And I know it…know it!…that I’m sliding into that place…depressed, frustrated, insecure, upset with myself…when I see those same numbers flashing up and down.

Ugh. I just can’t go through that again. I can’t.

I had a few days in February when I felt so fucking fantastic! It was a tantalizing glimpse at how being in great shape can make me feel. I deserve to feel like that most of the time, not just a couple of times a year. I want to be addicted to that feeling…not the feeling of eating cake (or cheese or whatever it is that I am eating when I’m emo/eating).

So I think that what is called for during March…commitment. I need to be committed to my healthy options everyday of the week.

Oh, already…EMO Girl is asking, “How about 1 day a week? Come on, one day a week you can have a glass of wine…how’s one glass of wine going to derail you? You deserve to treat yourself blahblahblahblahblah…”

You know what I’m asking though? Just 30 days of committing fully to a lifestyle that makes me feel good. One where I have energy to burn…where working out feels good (to sweat, to breathe, to run!)…where eating clean is a treat over cake/cookies/candy.

So I’m gonna be a Jet all the way, man…all the way!