>I don’t know what happened after my last post. One day I was in my zone and the very next, I fell off the wagon. Actually, I was still on but just kind of hanging off the side. It’s not like I ran out and bought a cake and ate the whole thing. I just stopped working out.

Though, last night I had a couple glasses of red wine and cheese and bread for dinner. It was moderate. I made conscious decisions to not make a huge plate of cheese and bread and olives and toasted macademia nuts (and some sliced dates)…

What’s been my go to excuse for more than a week? I’m tired. I don’t feel good. I had a long day at work. (All true but wouldn’t I feel better after a workout? Almost always!).

So let me take some responsibility here…or accountability. I knew what I was doing…I was sabotaging myself. Why? Maybe I was feeling like I needed a little extra “love”…somehow, someway, I have been feeling super insecure and unworthy…which, I think, makes me want to be treated with love. At the risk of sounding like a selfish brat, what I mean is, that sometimes or during those high insecure times, I need to be petted and cooed at. I guess. Sometimes I feel like I spend most of my life making sure that everyone else is okay…is happy…not hurt, not needing. During those times, the well starts to run pretty dry, which means I need that kind of attention too.

So when I’m feeling insecure, I turn to my old ways of comforting myself…food, wine, crawling in a hole and pulling the blanket over me (aka: not moving/not exercising).

Does any of this make sense?

Honestly, I probably need to write more but it’s 7:03am and if I don’t get on the treadmill right now, I won’t do it at all today. šŸ™‚

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