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Keeping my eye on the prize!

Today is going to be a great day!

I love my new Asics! Wearing thicker socks totally works for preventing that one blister spot. And soon I’ll be able to go back to my thin training socks with no problems…I think there’s just a minimal “breaking in” period with these shoes. But I love them…they give me the stability that I need. I wish they were a little lighter but I wouldn’t have the same stability and that means more. Once you’ve had plantar fasciitis, you become super paranoid about a recurrence.  

This morning was a little harder on the treadmill. Maybe I was tired. I just seemed to need to hold on more. But I just kept at it and did 30 mins.

I want to be back up to an hour and I want to be running but know that I need to follow the program set before me. I have been off track with my workouts for about 3 months so it’s going to take some time to get back to feeling good about it. Here’s a confession though: I’m so mad at myself for getting off track for that long. How could I do that to myself? Why do I do that to myself? Why can’t I be perfect and awesome and amazing 24/7???? (I’m half joking with that last question).

*sigh*

Okay, I know there’s no point on dwelling on the fall. We all fall. We all fail. I get that. I just have to pick myself up and move on. The last 4 months was no picnic, emotionally. My partner lost her Mom and it was/is terrible. I know it must be so hard to lose a parent. And, though I didn’t have a close relationship with her, I was sad about her passing too. And, of course, my own family had our losses too. And, per usual, I was stressed at work and had a lot going on and then I was sick or hurt a couple of times. Bleh. It’s just life — everybody has awful, horrible, stressful stuff to deal with a lot of the time. And I know that I self-medicate by eating lots of bread and cheese and drinking wine and watching tv and just not moving.

I just wish I didn’t do that.

I used to not do that – not that much anyway or when I did, it didn’t pile on the weight like it does now. I guess I can chalk that up to age.

But here I am at 47 and, it seems like I’ve spent most of my 40s feeling heavy and out of shape. I really want to get back into great shape. I really want to be more active but, it seems like it’s a constant battle just to even get out of bed.

One thing I’m really feeling this week is that I must get up earlier. I must get on the treadmill earlier because, to see improvement (an increase in energy!) I need to be moving longer and more intensely. I am scared because I don’t know how to do this. I don’t seem to be able to make myself get up earlier. And I don’t want to get discouraged by doing only 30 mins in the morning.

The logical voice would say, “Okay, get up at 6:30, get on the treadmill at 7 and workout for 30 mins in the morning. Why fight it? BUT do an hour in the evening or even just 30 mins in the evening.” That seems even more insurmountable than getting up early. I am, often, so hungry when I get home and just wiped out.

Maybe this is where I need to change my mind? Maybe it’s just an attitude adjustment. I wish I knew someone like Jillian Michaels or Bob Harper, et al. I wonder what they would say. Would they just tell me to suck it up and do it? (I have that voice in my head too!). Would they have a better idea? Do you? I’m open…would love to hear from you about this.

Anyway.

I had a good breakfast – that same one I always eat (toast, nut butter, banana). But I am feeling hungry and it’s not quite 11am. I need to pick up some fruit for snacking! I am going to go to the grocery today and get a few things. I want to make chicken for dinner tonight, along with some roasted root veggies. I also want to make something yummy and CLEAN for myself…for that sweet finish to the end of the day (that I so adore). Because, the thing is, I would do that for someone I loved. If they were struggling with their weight and had a sweet tooth and could hold it off all day long but just wanted a sweet bite after dinner…then I would find something awesome and wholesome and perfectly within their meal plan and I would make it for them because I loved them…so, yeah, I need to do that for myself. Because all of this…this trying to figure out how to fit in my calorie burn in the mornings, the working out when I feel tired and would rather drink coffee and sit on the sofa and surf the net and watch tv, the counting calories and trying to eat clean most of the time rather than run out to McDonalds or buy bags of donuts or boxes of cakes and eat them (or bread and cheese and wine), all of this I’m doing as an act of self-love. Because I am worth it. Because I feel better when I eat clean and exercise daily.

Whoa…this post seemed to become a downer really fast. Yipes!

So let me finish by counting my blessings: I have a beautiful home, I have a loving partner, I have a supportive community, I have a great job, I am in (relatively) good health, and I really do have everything I need. Life is good and I am truly blessed.

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