This owner of the FB page, The Fountain of Health for Plant Happy People wanted to do a little blog challenge. I decided to participate. Each day we are to write about something that begins with a letter of the alphabet. Of course today, we started with “A”.
What does abundance mean to you? What connotations does it carry for you?
I often pray for abundance. I want more. More love, more money, more courage, more time…always wanting…always looking. It seems like, sometimes, that I can’t concentrate on one thing for an extended period of time because I’m always looking for something, anything to fill that dark chasm of want.
For years I have used food to numb myself from that wanting.
But I’ve been on this diet…actually, it’s more of a “lifestyle” change…sort of. I mean there are parts of it that I will practice all my life – like eating real food, like leading an active lifestyle and then there are parts of it that I will likely ditch when I reach my goal. Like the calorie counting. But that’s for another post…
So I’ve lost some weight and though it might not sound like a lot, it might as well have been 250lbs instead of 25lbs. See, I never thought that I would get here. I mean I may have said that I wanted to. Over the years I threw money at the “problem” and I got on and off the wagon but nothing changed. I don’t know…a part of me just couldn’t get out of that chasm of self-doubt. I wanted so much but constantly felt like I was not good enough to get it. I had an abundance of self-doubt.
I don’t know if it was reaching the half-way point – a place that, deep down, I didn’t believe I could get too – but I started making some connections. That chasm of self-doubt/self-loathing it’s like a black hole – things get sucked in and never come out and I was trying to fill it with food.
We all know that no amount of food can fix that. It’s like trying to fix a flat tire with a pickle. This realization kinda scares me because I can’t hide behind food any longer.
But I realized something else…I already have abundance in my life. I have lasting love right beside me, I have a good job and make a good living at it, and I have all the time in the world. Opening to what is present in my life right now gives me courage to face those uncomfortable feelings of self-doubt without having to be numbed out by food.
Abundance is all around us.
“Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.”
~ Sarah Ban Breathnach