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Chocolate binge from the movie “Chocolat”

Yesterday, I found myself in a curious place…it’s like I almost slipped into some old thinking but I was able to recognize what was going on pretty quickly.

Maybe it’s all the meditation…but in an instant, yesterday, I realized that I was telling myself an old story. The one where I am bored and cranky and decide that I “need a treat” and proceed to knock myself so far off the wagon that it could take months to catch up.

God I hate that place.

But this time I wasn’t falling for it. My rational side was just observant and noted, “Oh yeah, that’s that old way of thinking. We do things differently now.” No freaking out or emotional scenes – just that one little reminder – “oh yeah, we don’t do that anymore.”

So this morning I was thinking about it and realized that I was feeling anxious about falling off the wagon – I guess I still don’t trust myself to actually be on a path of health and wellness. What’s really frustrating and defeating is the little chorus at the back of my mind chanting, “it’s only 25 pounds – you aren’t the I BEAT FAT poster-child”…

But, there’s hope for me yet – I thought, just for today, pretend that you’re already at your goal weight. Now. What will you do?

So if I was at my goal weight and I had a thought like “I want to eat a whole cake and, damn it, I deserve it!!!!”, instead of running out and buying a cake, I observe the thought (like I’ve learned from my meditation practice) and know that it will pass and then I get on with my day sans cake binge.

It feels good to have that little win. It does give me hope that I have got this, regardless of the number on the scale.

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